Note: A different print edition of this book has been posted as etext#21553
MR MIDSHIPMAN EASY
By FREDERICK MARRYAT (1792-1848)
Mr Nicodemus Easy was a gentleman who lived down in Hampshire; he was amarried man, and in very easy circumstances. Most couples find it veryeasy to have a family, but not always quite so easy to maintain them.Mr Easy was not at all uneasy on the latter score, as he had nochildren; but he was anxious to have them, as most people covet whatthey cannot obtain. After ten years, Mr Easy gave it up as a bad job.Philosophy is said to console a man under disappointment, althoughShakespeare asserts that it is no remedy for toothache; so Mr Easyturned philosopher, the very best profession a man can take up, when heis fit for nothing else; he must be a very incapable person indeed whocannot talk nonsense. For some time, Mr Easy could not decide uponwhat description his nonsense should consist of; at last he fixed uponthe rights of man, equality, and all that; how every person was born toinherit his share of the earth, a right at present only admitted to acertain length; that is, about six feet, for we all inherit our gravesand are allowed to take possession without dispute. But no one wouldlisten to Mr Easy's philosophy. The women would not acknowledge therights of men, whom they declared always to be in the wrong; and, asthe gentlemen who visited Mr Easy were all men of property, they couldnot perceive the advantages of sharing with those who had none.However, they allowed him to discuss the question, while they discussedhis port wine. The wine was good, if the arguments were not, and wemust take things as we find them in this world.
While Mr Easy talked philosophy, Mrs Easy played patience, and theywere a very happy couple, riding side by side on their hobbies, andnever interfering with each other. Mr Easy knew his wife could notunderstand him, and therefore did not expect her to listen veryattentively; and Mrs Easy did not care how much her husband talked,provided she was not put out in her game. Mutual forbearance willalways ensure domestic felicity.
There was another cause for their agreeing so well. Upon any disputedquestion Mr Easy invariably gave it up to Mrs Easy, telling her thatshe should have her own way and this pleased his wife; but, as Mr Easyalways took care, when it came to the point, to have his way, he waspleased as well. It is true that Mrs Easy had long found out that shedid not have her own way long; but she was of an easy disposition, andas, in nine cases out of ten, it was of very little consequence howthings were done, she was quite satisfied with his submission duringthe heat of the argument. Mr Easy had admitted that she was right, andif like all men he would do wrong, why, what could a poor woman do?With a lady of such a quiet disposition, it is easy to imagine that thedomestic felicity of Mr Easy was not easily disturbed. But, as peoplehave observed before, there is a mutability in human affairs. It wasat the finale of the eleventh year of their marriage that Mrs Easy atfirst complained that she could not enjoy her breakfast. Mrs Easy hadher own suspicions, everybody else considered it past doubt, all exceptMr Easy; he little "thought, good easy man, that his greatness wasripening"; he had decided that to have an heir was no Easy task, and itnever came into his calculations, that there could be a change in hiswife's figure. You