PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Volume 108, March 16, 1895.
edited by Sir Francis Burnand
THE COMPENSATING CIRCUMSTANCES.
Sympathetic Visitor. "Poor dear Mr. Smith, how he must sufferwith all that Sneezing and Coughing."
Mrs. Smith. "He does, indeed; but you can't think how it amuses theBaby!"
THE ADVANTAGE OF BEING CONSISTENT.
(A Dramatic Forecast of the Farce of the Future.)
Scene—Smoking-room of the Toy Club.Reformed members sipping lemon-squashesand inhaling tea-leaf cigarettesand reading "The Happy Hearth" andperiodicals of a similar character.
First Member. I am heartily glad that thecommittee decided to change the name of theclub from the Handicap to the Toy, as it hasbrought an influx of such extremely eligiblemembers. The bishop is perfectly charming.
Second Member. Quite so, and really thearchdeacon's stories are first rate. I supposeyou heard his anecdote about the pew-openerwho thought that matins were a substitutefor oil-cloth?
First Mem. Excellent, it was told me yesterdayby the Lord Chancellor of BritishUndiscoveredland. And how much better itis that we are not allowed to bet in the old-fashionedway. When you come to think ofit, there was something amazingly demoralisingin permitting a Guinea Club Sweep forthe Derby.
Second Mem. I should think so! I giveyou my word that I put my name down inevery single sweep in the old Handicap forfifteen years, and never once drew a starter.
First Mem. My experience too. Have youheard whether there is to be any substitutefor the sweep this year?
Second Mem. Why, yes. I was told by amember of the Recreation Committee that allmembers taking the bread-and-milk luncheondaily for a week are to have chances for theGrand Derby Race Christmas Tree.
First Mem. Isn't a Christmas Tree a littletoo late or too previous in June?
Second Mem. Well, yes; but then it wassaid that once the Derby was run in a snow-storm,and so we might take it that sometimeswe have winter in summer.
First Mem. I see. Have you any idea whatthe prizes are to be?
Second Mem. Oh, some of them will be veryhandsome. I am told that the tree is to bedecorated with tea-cozies and silver-mountedblue spectacles.
First Mem. Really! I shall not forget totake my one o'clock bread-and-milk regularlyin the coffee-room for the next week.I suppose you have quite given up yourbetting-book?
Second Mem. Well, no, because you seethe Act permits betting in moderation, andunder proper restrictions. For instance, Iam quite prepared to take seven to one againstSnuffbox for the Hardbake Selling Stakes,only of course it must be in peppermint drops.
First Mem. (producing betting-book). Well,I would accommodate you if I were notoverburdened with peppermint-drops. Makeit brandy-balls, and I will do it in ounces.
Second Mem. (referring to betting-book). Iam not particularly fond of that sweetstuff,but I think I can act as commissioner for myaunt. (