PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Volume 109, 24th August, 1895.
edited by Sir Francis Burnand
IN MEDIO TUTISSIMUS!
"What! Never been Ill since you were born! I suppose you'rea Teetotaller?"
"Oh no! Been a Moderate Drunkard all my life!"
SCRAPS FROM CHAPS.
The Irish Yolk.—In thename of the Profit—eggs!Irish co-operators have alreadymade giant strides in the productionof milk and butter, andnow the Irish Co-operativeAgency has decided, so says theCork Daily Herald, to "takeup the egg-trade." We hopethe egg-traders won't be"taken up," too; if so, thetrade would be arrested justwhen it was starting, and wherewould the profit be then?"It is stated that many Irisheggs now reach the Englishmarket dirty, stale, and unsorted,"so that wholesaleEnglish egg-merchants havepreferred to buy Austrian andFrench ones. Ireland not ableto compete with the foreigner!Perish the thought! A littletechnical education judiciouslyapplied will soon teach the Irishfowl not to lay "shop 'uns."
Feathers in Scotch Caps.
"The railway race to the North,like the race across the Atlantic,has placed beyond challenge thaton land as well as on sea Scotchengines break the record."—NorthBritish Daily Mail.
Did not Lord Byron anticipatethis when he wrote (inMr. Punch's version of hispoem on "Dark Lochnagar"):—
Yes, Caledonia, thy engines are scrumptious,
Though even in England some good ones are seen;
And, if the confession won't render you bumptious,
We sigh for your flyers to far Aberdeen!
But if Caledonia is inclinedto boast about its locomotives,let it ponder its tinkers, andlearn humility. The Glasgow"Departmental Committee onHabitual Offenders, Vagrants,&c.," reports that the nomadtinkers of Scotland number1702, and of these 232 "wereapprehended for some crime orother during the year." Theydon't do 151 miles in 167minutes, like the locomotives—no,they do a couple ofmonths in Glasgow gaol; andthey break the laws instead ofbreaking records. There are725 tinker children, who getpractically no education. BonnieScotland, land of grandeur,where the thousand tinkerswander, you must catch thesechildren, and educate them!The adult tinker may be irreclaimable,but at least thechildren should have a chanceof something better—a choiceof being soldier, sailor, tinker,or tailor, as they prefer. If,after all, they elect to tink,tink they must.
Dr. John Rhys, of JesusCollege, Oxford, quite rose tothe occasion at the New Quay,Eisteddfod, and, in his presidentialaddress, made lengthyquotations in Welsh. "Nachaib a rhaw" must mean"nor cares a rap." By theway, the South Wales DailyNews, in reporting the proceedings,finishes up by declaringthat "the speech waslistened to with 'wrapt' attention."As Mrs. Malaprop remarked,"The parcel was enrapturedin brown paper."