Produced by Dagny and Frank J. Morlock
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A play based on the Menechemes of Regnard
Translated and adapted by F. J. Morlock
C 1986 by F. J. Morlock
McNaughten
Captain McNaughten
Mr. Hastings, Flavella's father
Flavella, his daughter
Urania, Hastings' older sister
Jenny, Urania's maid
Spruce, the Captain's valet
Mr. Torrington, a solicitor
Squire
Mr. Bronlow, a merchant
CaptainI am quite beside myself. A curse on Spruce! I think he was born forthe sole purpose of enraging me. I am not going to put up with him anylonger. The scoundrel always tries my patience to the limits. He knowsvery well that I am waiting for him on tenterhooks— But now I see himcoming. Where have you been, rogue? Tell me.
(Spruce enters, carrying a heavy trunk which he first puts down andthen sits on, without responding to the Captain.)
Captain
Speak, reply!
SpruceFor the moment, sir, I have nothing to say. Let me get my breath amoment, please—I'm totally winded.
CaptainDo you always intend to put me in a fury and then play with me? Idon't know what prevents me from giving you a beating. What, yourogue, just to go off to the custom house to get my trunk, takes youall day?
SpruceOh, sir, customs inspectors are terrible men. All the savages in theworld are less barbarous. They can only talk in monosyllables. "yes,no, what, sir? I have no time. But, sir— Would you kindly open up—"They need maybe a hundred words in their vocabulary. They give me aheadache. Finally, when you need them for something, they're moreproud and stuck up than an archbishop.
CaptainWhat! Do you mean to pretend you stayed at the customs house untiljust now?
SpruceOh, no. Seeing the customs inspector was about to take more than anhour—besides, he had a disagreeable phiz—I preferred to wait at atavern.
CaptainYour yen for brew always gets the best of you. Does wine command youalways?
SpruceEveryone has his weakness, sir.— As you are well aware. It's the badexample more than the brew that puts me down the wrong road. I'dreally like to live a clean life—
Captain
Why do you always keep bad company, then?
SpruceI've made several efforts to avoid it—all in vain. I like you a lotand I don't want to leave you.
Captain
What's that, scoundrel?
SpruceSir, an ancient custom of speaking my mind gives me the right. My caseis like your own. I've seen you drunk more than once in a tavern, andmany's the time I had