THE STAINLESS STEEL RAT
BY HARRY HARRISON
Illustrated by Freas
[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
Astounding Science Fiction August 1957.
Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
When the office door opened suddenly I knew the game was up. It hadbeen a money-maker—but it was all over. As the cop walked in I satback in the chair and put on a happy grin. He had the same somberexpression and heavy foot that they all have—and the same lack ofhumor. I almost knew to the word what he was going to say before heuttered a syllable.
"James Bolivar diGriz I arrest you on the charge—"
I was waiting for the word charge, I thought it made a nicetouch that way. As he said it I pressed the button that set off thecharge of black powder in the ceiling, the crossbeam buckled and thethree-ton safe dropped through right on the top of the cop's head. Hesquashed very nicely, thank you. The cloud of plaster dust settled andall I could see of him was one hand, slightly crumpled. It twitcheda bit and the index finger pointed at me accusingly. His voice wasa little muffled by the safe and sounded a bit annoyed. In fact herepeated himself a bit.
"... On the charge of illegal entry, theft, forgery—"
He ran on like that for quite a while, it was an impressive list butI had heard it all before. I didn't let it interfere with my stuffingall the money from the desk drawers into my suitcase. The list endedwith a new charge and I would swear on a stack of thousand credit notesthat high that there was a hurt tone in his voice.
"In addition the charge of assaulting a police robot will be added toyour record. This was foolish since my brain and larynx are armored andin my midsection—"
"That I know well, George, but your little two-way radio is in the topof your pointed head and I don't want you reporting to your friendsjust yet."
One good kick knocked the escape panel out of the wall and gave accessto the steps to the basement. As I skirted the rubble on the floor therobot's fingers snapped out at my leg, but I had been waiting for thatand they closed about two inches short. I have been followed by enoughpolice robots to know by now how indestructible they are. You can blowthem up or knock them down and they keep coming after you; draggingthemselves by one good finger and spouting saccharine morality all thewhile. That's what this one was doing. Give up my life of crime and paymy debt to society and such. I could still hear his voice echoing downthe stairwell as I reached the basement.
Every second was timed now. I had about three minutes before theywould be on my tail, and it would take me exactly one minute and eightseconds to get clear of the building. That wasn't much of a leadand I would need all of it. Another kick panel opened out into thelabel-removing room. None of the robots looked up as I moved down theaisle—I would have been surprised if they had. They were all low-gradeM types, short on brains and good only for simple, repetitive work.That was why I hired them. They had no curiosity as to why they weretaking the labels off the filled cans of azote fruits, or what was atthe other end of the moving belt that brought the cans through thewall. They didn't even look up when I unlocked the Door That Was NeverUnlocked that led through the wall. I left it open behind me as I hadno more secrets now.