PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Vol. 109.August 3, 1895.
edited by Sir Francis Burnand
(By our Special Expert, who hasbeen accorded the customary courtesyextended to the Press.)
Forgive me for the vaguenessof my address, but it is the desireof those in command that thegreatest secrecy should be observedas to our movements.
"Are we the Blue Fleet or theRed?" I asked only a fewmoments ago of one of the chiefcommanders.
"As you are the guest of theGovernment," was the immediatereply, "you will not be allowedto pay your money—except indirectlyto the collector of Revenue;but there is nothing toprevent you from taking yourchoice!"
From this response you will seethat there is a strong inclinationon the part of the authorities thatare to remain reticent. However,it is only fair to say that the foodis excellent. Nothing could bebetter than the wine; and theview on the quarter deck is capital.Still, this is scarcely anaccount of naval manœuvring—nowis it?
Well, I think I may reveal thismuch. There are two fleets—aRed Fleet and a Blue Fleet. TheRed Fleet has a number of ships—sohas the Blue. Then the RedFleet tries to out-manœuvre theBlue Fleet, and the Blue Fleetreturns the compliment. All thistakes place on the sea. No shipis allowed to run on shore—unlessof course by force of circumstancesoutside the control of the commander.And when I had got asfar as this, I thought I wouldmake a further inquiry.
"I presume," said I, to one ofthe chief officials, "that our objectis to——"
At this point I was interrupted.
"Pray ask no more," was theprompt reply of the veteran I hadquestioned. "Take my advice.If you wish a question answered,answer it for yourself. Arrangein your own mind that 'Heads'shall mean 'Yes,' and the reversea negative. Then toss."
And so now I am taking theadvice I have received. I havespun my sixpence in the air. Iam to write no more to you. Allrefuse to send my communicationsfor me. So I place thisdocument in a bottle and throw itinto the sea. You desired thefullest information about thenaval manœuvres. Well—I wishyou may get it!
NOTHING LIKE BEING READY WITH AN EXCUSE.
Elderly Skittish Cousin, "Oh, how unkind of you to have leftme out of your beautiful Party! You seem to have forgottenI'm your First Cousin!"
He (with no end of near but not very dear relatives). "So verysorry! First Cousin—ah, yes." (Recovering himself.) "So longago, you know.... Had you been my Last Cousin, this nevercould have occurred!"
Coins of 'Vantage.—TheDundee Advertiser calls attentionto Mr. "Robert Wallace, M.P.Edin.'s," complaint that the ImperialParliament contains, inhimself and another Mr. RobertWallace, two Members with thesame surnames and identicalChristian names. Mr. "Robert BU KİTABI OKUMAK İÇİN ÜYE OLUN VEYA GİRİŞ YAPIN!
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