Transcriber’s Note:
This etext was produced from Astounding Science Fiction, January, 1960.Extensive research did not reveal any evidence that the U.S. copyright on thispublication was renewed.
Minor typographical errors have been corrected without note. Dialect spellings,contractions and discrepancies have been retained.
UNSPECIALIST
A machine can be built to do any accurately described job better than anyman. The superiority of a man is that he can do an unexpected, undescribed, andemergency job ... provided he hasn’t been especially trained to be amachine.
BY MURRAY F. YACO
Banner ripped open his orders, read them, stared in disbelief for a quickmoment, then cursed wildly while reaching for the telephone.
“Hello, Gastonia? Yes, I got ’em. What kinda way to waste our time youlunkheads think ... oh, it’s you, colonel!”
Banner dropped the receiver and let it dangle. He sank into the only soft chairin the apartment and watched hypnotically as the phone’s receiver limply coiledand uncoiled at the end of the wire.
Somebody knocked on, then opened the door. “Hi, pretty boy, you got ourorders?”
“Come on in and hear about it,” Banner said. He got up from the chair, ran hishands compulsively through his recently short-cropped red hair, hung up thephone and shoved the orders into his co-pilot’s hands.
Harcraft read them over three times, then sank into the chair just vacated byBanner. Finally—while Banner poured them both a drink—he managed to blurt,“Potato fertilizer and tractor fuel—Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no!”
“Oh, yes, yes, yes,” Banner said bitterly. “We are heroes of the spaceways;yes, indeed. We train for ten years. Acquire great skill in the art of thepatrol. We dedicate ourselves to the protection of the Federation. We readyourselves for war. We gird our young, strong loins, we—”
“You’re getting hysterical,” said Harcraft, who poured himself another drink,began pacing the floor and took up where Banner had left off. “We’ve never evenbeen lost on patrol. And now they do this. It’s unbelievable! Potato fertilizerand tractor fuel. We’re supposed to travel thirty-six light-years, pick up onethousand sleds of the stuff, deliver it to some God-forsaken farm planetanother thirty years out, and return to base. You know what they’ll do then?”He turned to Banner, pointed his finger accusingly and repeated, “You know whatthey’ll do then?”
“How would I know,” said Banner, glumly staring into his drink.
“Well, I can tell you what they’ll do. Yes, sir, I can tell you.” Harcraft’spudgy face and oversize brown eyes seemed to melt into each other, giving himthe appearance of an angry, if not very bright, chimpanzee.
“O.K., what’ll they do?” Banner said.
“They’ll give us medals. That’s what they’ll do. For safe delivery of onemillion tons of tractor fuel, you two fine specimens of manhood are herebypresented with the Order of the Oil. And for your courageous service indelivering two million tons of potato fertilizer, you are also awarded theshield of—”
“Never mind,” Banner said. “It could be worse. They could’ve saddled us with aBean Brain. Come on. Let’s go to some bar and get sober. We’re leaving forfreight duty at 1700.”
The Bean Brain met them at the air lock. “Name is Arnold. Here’s my orders.”Banner stared at Harcraft, Harcraft stared at Arnold....