The Freelancer
By ROBERT ZACKS
Illustrated by ASHMAN
[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
Galaxy Science Fiction September 1955.
Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
Once these laws were passed, any time in
history—however bad—were the good old days!
Jeb was shaken from his bed; his dream told him it was a glacier withwild winds howling laughter, and when he opened his eyes, shivering, hesaw his wife, Laurie, had pulled the heat switch off. She stood thereglaring. Today her hair was a lovely purple with a fashionable streakof gold starting from the forehead, but it didn't help the cold look onher face.
"Get up, you bum," she said in her sweet contralto. "Go out and earnsome credits or I'll certify you."
The thought of being transferred by the Economy Agent to AssignedDuty Status, with its virtual imprisonment to monotony by the WelfareOffice, made Jeb tumble from bed and fumble for his shoes.
"My darling," he said placatingly, "how beautiful you are this morning!How undeserving I am of you!"
"You're damn right about that," said Laurie with bitterness. "When Ithink of the men I could have married, the wonderful life I might havelived, instead of scrimping along with a no-good freelance Monitorlike you...."
"Sometimes I do pretty well. Three years ago, I sent you to thePleasure Palace for a month, remember?"
"Three years ago. Big deal."
She flounced out of the room. Sadly, Jeb went to the closet andexamined the various uniforms and disguises that were part of hisequipment as a freelance Monitor. As he selected the silver and blackskintight suit of an Air Pollution Inspector, he wistfully rememberedhow nice it had been when Laurie had smiled at him. Immediately a floodof determination filled him to go out and do big things today. Maybehe would make a big strike and get a nice fat commission; then Lauriewould....
The televisor buzzed, flickered, and the genial face of the man fromMarriage Relations appeared.
"Good morning, Monitor Jeb," said the man, smiling. "And how are things'twixt you and your beloved?"
"Rough," moaned Jeb. "She's really in a foul mood today."
The man from Marriage Relations beamed. "Fine, fine, glad to hear it."
"Huh?" said Jeb.
"Her Sadism Index Rating went up five points," the man explained. "Wewanted to make sure we hadn't made an error. Well, that certainly isgood news for you two. I'll guess you'll both be all right now."
"All right? Are you kidding?"
"Now, now, we know what's best for you. Your Masochism Rating is quitehigh, you know. Laurie is just what you need. Why, you two were madefor each other."
Suddenly the man stopped talking, gasped, and the screen flickered andwent dead. Jeb's astonishment was wiped away by the soft, silvery belltone of his portable Monitex, a flat two-by-six-inch machine resting ona shelf nearby. As Jeb wildly lunged toward it, he saw it was glowingred, activated by a violation, and as he snatched it up, the codedreading dial had a notification: Bx-P-203.
Trembling, Jeb pressed a button on the lower left of the Monitex anda voice promptly droned mechanically from the waferlike loudspeakerhidden under the surface, giving details of the violation.
"Bx-P-203—At ten minutes after eight A.M., Monitex 27965 ofFreelance Monitor Jeb picked up violation of Copyright on the phrase